Friday, October 18, 2013

the beginning of all things to end - part I

"have you ever regretted anything?" he asked me as we sat there and sipped our half-way beers. "don't worry, there are plenty of them. no need for baby sips, eh?"

"i know, i know." i replied. "just taking it slow tonight. you know?"

"yeah, whatever. as long as you keep going, it's fine." he was constantly staring at the clock on the wall, like he was supposed to go somewhere. i knew this man for so long that i couldn't care to remember. and i was sure as hell that he wasn't going anywhere. it just seemed like, i mean always, he had some sort of problem with the concept of time. i could care less.

his dog was sleeping on the ancient carpet. where the fuck did he get all these stuff? i always thought about it. well, i did when he stared at the damn clock. the woods from the fireplace kept cracking and the room was amiably warm. i could almost call it peaceful. the dog was making faint sounds and i bet he was the happiest being in the room. funny thing envying a dog. actually everything was some sort of a fun at that moment, considering we were both fucked up big time. i'll come to that later.

"are you waiting for someone?" i asked after a moment of silence. "what? no." he replied as he seemed like his thoughts stopped wandering and came back inside his head. "for whom the fuck can i be waiting for?" he asked. i could see the suspense, and the childish anger in his eyes. "besides i asked you a fucking question, isn't it a bit bitchy asking another one before replying?"

"what question?" i spoke before thinking. i didn't like that feeling when people realized that i haven't actually been concentrating on them as we spoke. "sorry. my mind just went somewhere." i added.

"i asked if you have ever regretted something." he finished his beer. and stood up to get another one. "you want anything?" he asked unwillingly. but i knew it perfectly that he would prepare me a full plate meal if i asked for it, at that moment. i said "no thanks, i'm fine." then i added, "well maybe you can grab one for me as well, i'm about to finish mine too."

the dog woke up as he walked in the room. god, i never got to remember his name. why wouldn't people just name their dogs like jack or john or whatever. i always called him my boy, and i'm sure he didn't give the tiniest shit if i remembered his name or not. he liked me and i liked him. it was as simple as that. well, not considering the fact that i actually envied him. dogs won't know envy, right? whatever.

"of course i regretted somethings." i said. "why did you think of it now?" he stood there as he opened the bottles and gave me that mocking look. "i'm not talking about that you regret choosing masturbation over playstation man, i'm talking about something important. something big." his eyes shone as if he just remembered one of his own regrets. "i know what you mean, and my answer is still a yes." i replied as if i was clarifying something to a child.

"could you elaborate? dude. i mean, this night won't pass like this. you know." he seemed so eager to know about my regrets. and i thought, "how come he doesn't know what i regret?". and after some more thought jumps i concluded that i didn't know any of his.

"well..." was the first word to spill from my lips. "the biggest regret of my life... i let my love go."

"oh come on!" he seemed unsatisfied. "that's from a fucking movie, man. you're really full of shit, aren't you?" he spat some beer from his mouth as his wide opened eyes stared away from me. the exact second that the dog stood up and started barking like a fucking full moon wolf. and that was when i saw the shadow beneath the door as it opened slowly with a squeaky sound.
part II is out! read it here.

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