Wednesday, November 20, 2013

expect?

life taught me not to be expecting. that with each question, comes another sadness. expectations fall on the ground like flies and time keeps flowing like in an hourglass. nothing was able to stop it and nothing will be.

i tend to ask a lot of questions when i write shit like this. once a hobby, turned into occasional bullshit. but there won't be any questions in this one. look up a little bit and you'll know why.

i also tend to write like i'm talking to a person, mostly you. and most of the time i have no idea about who the fuck you are. so no more you, just me. well, at least in this one.

life is weird. and after 21 years i can proudly say that i don't know shit about it. puppet friends giving advice, looking through a mirror and i see we have switched the chairs. life is bullshit like that. in a way of thinking, maybe everyone is born with all the knowledge that exists in the world but they just turn into complete retards when the thing is about them. this fucking deficiency is actually what gives birth to these care talkings. well, no one actually cares. they care more about their dog food or cat litter.

another thing i tend to do when i'm writing is to write long. get lost in consciousness, travel to her head, feel her wet lips, come back to solitude and think why we can't have good things here on earth. it's probably because nobody is actually good. and what good means is so variable that even the fucking x in math can't vary more to y. or z. well, no one gives a fuck about z.

no expectations. no questions. no sadness. no hurt. add these bastards together and you'll get "no feelings." casual sex and a little bit of herpes. live life like there's no tomorrow while working at a mcdonald's and spitting on peoples onion rings. is there a purpose? or can we just paperball everything i said and throw it in a thrash can? which means there's somebody out there who can actually give the right answers and meet the expectations? then what will happen to their expectations? i'm lost. and just like i'm incapable of keeping most of my promises, i couldn't keep this one too. maybe you didn't notice but i just said "you". and i know i suck at endings as much as i suck at goodbyes, so maybe the proper way for ending this is just saying fuck you.

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