Monday, November 11, 2013

more than a year ago, or something like that.

sometimes you want to say that you are sorry, for too many things. but in those times, words tend to not come out. you just stay silent and no one will know what happens inside. you try to smile. smile all the time. smile like a stupid person, or like a child. and if for a single second you frown, they will say that you are always sad.
i once thought it better to regret the things that i have done, than haven't. yet now, i'm not able to do anything i want. i want to express myself but i'm like an iceberg. one side, and another. i hurt too many people and i can't even remember if i was always like that or is it just now. i'm not happy about it and i forgot how to be sad. i'm in purgatory.
i tend to lose people. always. the ones i love the most, i keep losing them. too proud to apologize, too stupid to realize what i've done wrong. and when i wake up in the morning, it's all gone. just to come back again in the night. i can't sleep, i can't wake up. i think i'm in a dream which is too real that it hurts. so would you call that a dream? i kiss, then i forget. i love, then i run away. i get hurt, then i hurt another. a circle, my life.
will the wind stop blowing? or will i ever know which way it blows? i think i'm lost in a place which i've never found. i want to be found but i keep on hiding. some tries to seek me but in the end they just get tired of my impenetrability.
i tell things which i don't mean to in anyway and i stay silent when i actually want to say something. i bore you now, i bore you every time. i make you laugh but only to make you cry again. i think i'm some kind of disease you can't live without. but soon you will realize that you can and you will be gone like the rest of them. then i will find a new one and then they will be gone. a circle, my life.
once a man said that "you are only as sick as your secrets but the truth shall set you free". so here's the truth, but i don't feel any different. my cage is forever i guess. forever i'll be in it. and then he continued; "the truth is the truth, so all you can do is live with it". but, will you keep on living with me?

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