Sunday, November 3, 2013

the room

memories. they are hard. even the good ones. it's weird that one can feel so much just by remembering. even though they make you smile, the fact that they are gone and you can never reach that place far away is a pain. a pain that i'm more than used to. you could call it an addiction i guess.

my own little world. with del rey playing in the background, so much have been lived. the happiest days of our lives as pink floyd would call it, we never learn to appreciate the good times. we race those beautiful seconds as if they would never come to an end. a knock on the door, hours of pure happiness. 

my balcony. no matter how cold the weather might be, i never felt so warm inside all my life. it gave me goosebumps each time i took a step out there. seeing d. across the gap that separated us, waving hands with childish smiles on our faces. la casa. it's where they lived. 

all those tasty cheap stuff i used to buy, place on my shelves. every warm shower i took, alone or together. every night i put my head on that pillow, thinking what a wonderful day it had been and how much more the next will be. it feels so weird that i once knew the feeling of knowing how beautiful the day that lies ahead is going to be.

precious. if i had to choose just one word to describe everything, it would be this. my own little world. no questions, no rules, no obligations and just living the life because it's good, because i like it. not because i have to. waking up tomorrow with a big smile because i want to. now it seems like i wake up because i wake up. because that's what i'm supposed to do. 

today ruins yesterday. new blood won't match the veins and the desire has never been this out of reach. i extend my hand and grab emptiness. as empty as a child who never learned to appreciate. 

the eggs i made in the morning, the pasta in the afternoon. the milk with honey before sleeping after all the high in my head. only to repeat the next day. it feels so weird how something can feel so good. when was the last time i felt that good?

my room. with del rey in the background. summertime sadness. it wasn't summer and there were no sadness. though it fit perfectly. it fit those white walls i turned into a paradise. so much has been lived. it's all in my head now, clinging to life. the only ones that won't die. memories. in that room. forever. 

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