Wednesday, April 30, 2014

the beginning of all things to end - part III

it's been a long time (6 months, really?); if you want to refresh your memory, part I and part II are here. if not, here we go.


it was nearly the end of may, not one of my favorite months to be honest. i don't know, there's always something weird about may. it's like a transition month, a change, and i've never been a great fan of changes. i always had this feeling that the change is unknown. no matter what i have going on is good or bad, changes always scared me. because some part of me always knew that things would eventually change for worse. just like that day in may.

the curtains were moving slowly with the warm and gentle wind. i could clearly see the greenest palm trees i've ever seen through the open window; the sun was rising, taking it's time, like passionately touching the horizon. i could hear the waves slowly coming and going in the distance and the sky was a beautiful mixture of all the morning colors. i didn't remember waking up like that before, so peaceful. as if the world stood still and we were the only ones awake to sit and watch it. we... i could feel her breathing slowly. her head on my arm, facing me. if there was anything that could be more gorgeous than that scene out of the window, it would be her. how dare i even compare. she liked using my arm as her pillow and that morning was no different, my fingers were gone for a walk again.

i got my other hand and started caressing her hair slowly, it was softer than silk. she made some faint sounds but she didn't wake up. "what a different place" i thought to myself. that time of the year was always an ugly season where i lived, yet here, i could spend a lifetime. i knew anywhere with her would be where i wanted to be but this place had something different. the word paradise came to my mind and made me smile.

going to a catholic school as a child, they painted a certain picture in my mind of a so called paradise but after spending a couple of days here, it made me think that even god didn't know what he was doing. god... i smiled again. i couldn't remember how i endured those three long years there. i still remembered that day when i ran to my dad's shop after school and yelled "i don't wanna go there anymore!". i was scared as shit and sure that he was going to scold me but instead, he just said "ok." was it really okay? -hell it wasn't. and then he added "don't tell it to your mother." i remembered my mom being upset with me for almost a month but in the end she gave up, i was her only child after all. we never talked about it.

"paradise is where you are." i whispered, and then kept looking out of the window. "there's no such thing as paradise, stupid." she said. i looked at her and her eyes were still closed, "good morning to you too ugly face." i said with a smiling voice. "guess you haven't looked at a mirror in a long time." she replied and i started tickling her. "stop it i'm sleeping!" she yelled while laughing like a little girl. "stop it! stop it!" then she somehow got on top of me and shouted "revenge will be mine!". she was tickling me like she wanted me to die of laughter, i stopped her and then pulled her close to me. i started to kiss her lips slowly.

she was breathless when she said "there's your good morning.", "just good?" i replied and then i saw the smile on her face. "what do you want to eat tonight?" she asked me and i said "didn't you have some stuff to do today?". "i do indeed. but i can pick somethings up from the farmers market on the way home." she replied. it was weird that she called our hotel home. well, it wasn't exactly a hotel but it was one of those places like bungalows where you rented and stayed for some weeks. "why don't you leave that to me for today?" i said. "i want to cook for you tonight." i added. she looked amazed, "wow! what did i do to be worthy of this honor?" she asked. "shut up." i replied.

we got up, took a shower together and then drank coffee and ate some tropical shit the locals adored and sold at high prices to tourists. we got dressed, she looked like an angel, even wearing the simplest things. i opened the door and she got out and said "what a gentleman.", i locked the door and replied "only for my lady." i kissed her and she said "i love you.", i replied "i love you more." and we walked on opposite directions. i heard her saying "maybe in your dreams." with a funny voice as we turned our backs to each other. after walking one or two meters i stopped and looked back. i watched her walk away, the woman i loved. i thought to myself that how lucky i was. when she was out of sight, i turned back and headed to the farmers market. it didn't even cross my mind that this would be the last day i saw her.


i was the one to get out first, it was a cold to the bone kind of night. joel and brock were still inside and i couldn't hear what they were talking. i wasn't even sure if they were talking. at the first glimpse, my eyes spotted brock's pickup truck. it was covered in mud, which was kind of odd since it didn't rain even a bit for the last two months. maybe he was just an i-like-it-dirty kind of guy.

i always liked that house, ever since the first day we stayed there when we were just teenagers. it used to belong to joel's uncle but he never told me how did it become his. it was located in the middle of a grove all by itself, surrounded by white oak trees. we used to see foxes around it but that was a long time ago i guess. we helped a mother fox, lucy, to give birth to three little babies and i still remembered how great it felt to witness new lives being born. sadly, two of them died shortly after their birth and we named the last one standing rocky. he was a tough one. we went there every week, taking shifts, for almost four months until lucy and rocky were ready to go back to their habitat. but it's never easy adjusting to wild life after being treated like babies. two months later joel's uncle told him that lucy was shot when she entered someone's house looking for food. she would never harm anybody, she was just hungry. he didn't tell us who did it and we never saw rocky after that; but deep inside, i knew that he was still out there, still as tough as the day he was born into my hands.

after a while; i heard the door closing and as joel let the doorknob go, fluffy started to bark like crazy. it was just heartbreaking. brock started to walk to his truck and i went near joel. i didn't know what to say, "i'm sorry." i murmured. "it's okay." he replied. "let's go." he added. we started to walk towards the vehicle when i noticed that brock's boots were also covered in mud.

we got inside, i was sitting at the back. brock started the engine and took off quite aggressively. no one was saying a word as we headed to the unknown. well, unknown to me. i was looking out of the window as we were getting close to the main road which would supposedly take us to the city. sweetheart come by nick cave and the bad seeds was playing on the radio as my eyes slowly started to close. even in all that anxiety, the song did it's trick. once again.

when i woke up, we were moving at a constant speed on an unfamiliar road. there were tall trees on both sides of the road but since it was dark, it was hard to tell what kind of trees they were. it was picturesque though. it could easily be a postcard, reading "a drive in the night..." on the back. joel and brock were having some sort of conversation and as far as i could hear, they were talking about football. they didn't seem concerned much, talking about football does make you forget things. how long did i sleep? where were we? where were we going? as questions meddled with my mind, my eyes crossed joel's from the wing mirror and he said; "good morning princess.". "wow! look who's awake." brock added and i immediately felt like i somehow managed to return to age 10 and was having a drive with my older brothers. "do you smoke too much?" brock asked and i replied yawning, "what?". "you snored too much, so i wondered." he said. how did he manage to hear my snoring between all that noise inside the truck? "i snore when i'm stressed, or tired." i said with an uncaring look. "i see." he replied. "but i do smoke a lot." i added, as if it had any importance.

"we were starting to get a bit bored." said joel. "without you, there wasn't much fun in our conversations." he added. "thanks dude." brock said, giving him a tender look. "if i was the missing fun in your conversations, then you two surely are hopeless." i said. they both laughed, only for a second. i didn't like this. i didn't like it at all. there was something in the air, like something we had to talk about but no one dared to bring it up. trying to divert the subject or say something funny just to save the moment but the tension was still there, hanging like an old chandelier.

"you know, before you came in like a rapist; i was asking n. something and he was giving me one of his usual shitty answers." joel said to brock. "maybe you can do better." he added. "sure." brock replied, "as if we have something better to do. shoot." he said. "okay..." joel started, "have you ever regretted anything?" he asked. "oh god, again?" i said with a desperate voice. "if this is going to be our conversation, i'm going back to sleep." i added. "oh come on! don't be a wet blanket for once!" joel cried with disappointment. "our newlyweds are hitting it off again!" brock yelled with a smile on his face. "can't you just answer the question?" joel insisted. "what was the question?" brock looked confused. "you two are really alike in many ways..." joel said. he had a "why don't you just die?" kind of look on his face. "how hard is it to remember a fuckin-" he got interrupted as brock took a sharp left and tried to grab the handle but failed terribly. "where did you get your license?" he asked, "what license?" brock replied. "whatever." he seemed pissed. "the question is; have you ever regretted anything?" he asked for the second time. "god damn regret!" shouted brock and managed to put a smile on my face. "really?" joel was two shades lighter than a tomato. "giving a shitty answer is one thing, but quoting the same fucking movie?" his growing anger put an even bigger smile on my face and i could see the same on brock's as well. there was something weird about this guy. he acted stupid but it was obvious that he wasn't. i felt that soon enough, i would find out whatever it was, along with many other things. "well, if you want a decent answer; i regret not banging your girlfriend even once." brock said and as soon as he finished his sentence, joel punched him in the face. he steered left out of reflex and we almost hit an oncoming car. "what the fuck are you doing?!" brock and i shouted at the same time. "it's the second time you mentioned her tonight, on the third time-" brock hit the brakes saying "holy shit!"

"what happened?" joel asked. "do you see the police control ahead?" brock replied. "yeah, so what?" joel seemed confused. brock started to sweat as far as i could see and he said, "we can't pass through that. they are going to stop us, we have to return and reroute.". "what the fuck are you talking about?" joel asked. "if you're worried about the guns, they are all licensed."

"guns? plural?" i interrupted but joel cut me off saying; "n. please it's really not the time." i was surely 10. that was settled. "it's not the guns, joel; it's the thing... in the trunk." brock said. "what the fuck is in the trunk god dammit?" joel asked, his eyes were getting bigger. "you know it." brock replied. "oh shit... oh fuck... i thought you've taken care of it before you came to pick us up." joel was sweating as well. "that was the plan god dammit." he added. "well, i ran into some trouble and-"

"and you weren't planning to tell me until we came across some cops?" joel was panicking too much, i've never seen him like that before. "you're seriously retarded. fuck! what are we going to do?" he was turning his head left and right as if he was trying to find an exit. "we will figure it out." brock replied. i knew i had to ask it way earlier but all that fuss and everything that happened that night put the words in my mouth and sealed it shut. i couldn't think straight. i was sweating as well. what have we gotten ourselves into? i had to ask... i had to ask. they were quarreling like crazy, yelling, shouting; i couldn't make it out what they were saying anymore. it was getting darker and darker as if i was being pulled down to a bottomless well. i was losing my strength, it was happening again. i was giving myself to the hands of fear. i tried to focus, i had to ask... i had to ask. "what's in the trunk?" they didn't hear me. maybe i couldn't even speak. "what's in the trunk?" same thing happened again.

what's in the trunk? what's in the trunk? what's in the trunk? what's in the trunk?

"WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK?!" finally i was able to make myself heard. "don't tell him brock." joel said suddenly. "please don't. he's still not ready, he will panic. we can't risk him losing control now.". brock looked drained, "we have to tell, he has to know." he replied. "i'm sick of your shit joel! enough! you're not going to hide things from me anymore!" i was shouting like crazy, i felt life just flowed back inside me. "what's in the trunk?!" i asked again. there was a silence. maybe for some seconds but it felt like a lifetime. joel was looking down at his feet, brock was grabbing the wheel as if he was going to break it and all the world stood still for a moment.

"there's a body." joel said.

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