Friday, May 30, 2014

blue sky

needle goes in, blood flows out. euphoria.

all the colors you like, bursts out of my eyes. the world is upside down and it's not turning. the thing inside my chest stopped pounding months ago, now it's just burning.

the spirit leaves the body, flies off to the western shore. lucid. i know i was crazy before but now i'm just stupid.

this is not a god damn poem, i don't know why everything's rhyming. if i knew somethings before, now i wouldn't be writing.

fuck it. stop. all these words i put together, i wish i could put my life together. it's crumbling, rotting in this shit hole. my salvation passed so long ago.

alright. it keeps rhyming. like we used to rhyme so good in some january. even our names rhymed.

the days and hours are just numbers now. all they do is change. don't really mean a thing. it's just sad to wake up everyday and smile to their faces, when you keep missing something.

don't inject cancer in your body and please don't act like a stranger. we know each other more than the sun knows the moon.

Monday, May 19, 2014

the chair on the right

all the things we thought we would see... and all those we see instead. why do we choose to miss? why do we choose to be sad, alone?

having people around doesn't mean you're not alone. if you see the eyes you recall from the past in every person's eye you stare at today; you're not there, you're somewhere else. you're alone.

you could roll one, light it up and look up in the sky. that cloud passed from here some hours ago, i saw it too. did it carry something to you? 

i now live a half-life. during the day i sleep with my eyes opened and during the night i'm wide awake with my eyes closed. because i see you every night, almost. in various situations, faces, clothes... i see you with various smiles and various tears. tears i wipe away from your eyes and wake up with in mine.

i told that blonde-haired girl the other night; "you live in the future, i live in the past and we both fuck up the present.". she nodded. i wish i could take your hand, pull you from my past and put you in my future. i don't give a shit if the present is fucked up, it's fucked up anyway.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014


i loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons.

Monday, May 5, 2014

forget to remember

almost 5 years ago, i had these words tattooed on my inner left arm. they meant so much at the time and they still do, in a different way though. too many things have changed from that guy 5 years ago to me, how i am today. and this is of course thanks to some very important people that are still in my life, or left it during this journey. i shouldn't lose my train of thought now.

these words, weren't an invention of mine. they were actually the name of a song of one of my all time favorite bands, mudvayne. however, the reason i'm writing this post is not any of this. i'm writing today because i found out that another song named "forget to remember" was composed by megadeth last year, which is obviously another favorite band of mine.

at first i was surprised because i almost know all of the songs by megadeth and it was nearly impossible for me to miss a song with this name. then i realized it's a very new song. so i listened... again and again, until i fell in love with it. it's not that great of a song, but what it represents captured me instantly. considering my situation now, this wasn't a surprise. the lyrics, the way mustaine sings were just amazing.

there's a difference though. the way these two songs tell the tale. the one by mudvayne, the one that made me have that tattoo, was for me to forget to remember. it repeated "will i ever forget to remember?" over and over. however, the one by megadeth, the one that i've just found some hours ago, is different. it says someting else. it says that i am forgotten, and it stings. the lyrics mean a lot and i'm going to share them but even though i was happy to find this song at the beginning, it turned out to be a little bit sad. i wish things could be different...

though the tattoo means twice as much now.

Sands in the hourglass fall for us all
You don't answer me anymore when I call
So much is trapped inside, tangled in your brain
It's getting cold outside and it looks like rain
The sky is falling and my heart is caving in

So, now the time has come to say the long goodbye
The setting of the sun reflecting in your eyes
Day after day after day the world will pass you by, you forget to remember

If this is living, what the hell is living for?
You've boarded up your eyes, your mind has locked the door
I'm just a stranger now with an unfamiliar face
You can't recall me at all, there's not a trace... not a trace... not a trace
I don't know where you are and my world is crumbling in

So, now the time has come to say the long goodbye
The setting of the sun reflecting in your eyes
Day after day after day the world is passing you by, you forget to remember

I just want to talk - What do you want?
But you've nothing to say - Leave me alone
I beg you to come - Get away from me
And you just walk away - I have no idea who you are!
I curse the day that your smile fades away, til' then I pray

A burning candle in and at both ends
With all that we've learned, yet we still pretend
I just wish you could say my name again

They made the lock and broke the key, the culprit was the mercury
The vaccine wipes your memories, till you forget even how to breathe
A tangled web they weave, when they practice to deceive

So, now the time has come to say the long goodbye
The setting of the sun reflecting in your eyes
Day after day after day the world has passed you by
I said that I'd be strong, but you know I had to lie

You forget to remember
You forget to's time to say the long goodbye
fuck you, dave.