Friday, July 31, 2015

honor thy father

hello blog. it's been a fucking while. it's good to see some people are still reading even though there wasn't anything new to read for the past 5 months.

maybe you noticed that my homepage is gone. it's gone because i decided not to pay for it anymore, the money they asked for it was ridiculous. however, i still have the domain. domain is a funny word.

the title speaks of a song by dream theater. mike portnoy wrote it for his step-father. apparently he treated little mikey bad and he wanted to get back at him. somebody's been treating little arda badly as well but i'm not gonna go as far as the lyrics of that song.

bla bla bleh bluh i'm talking nonsense again. i wish my uni would just let me graduate saying: "thank's for the effort, it's been 5 years you don't have to come here anymore." in a dream world it would be cool but graduating from the uni is not a dream for me, it's a fucking obligation. and you know what? i have a terrible history with obligations.

you can't tell me what i can or cannot do you fuckface. and don't even think about should or shouldn't. you can't tell anyone anything. you also sure as fuck can't tell kanye nothing. so suck it.

fucking judgmental people. they are everywhere. don't they have a life? other than messing with other people's shit? an individual shouldn't be tied to anything. not a woman, a man, a father, a sister, a brother. not to a friend as well. mothers could be optional because in the end we all came from inside of them. that says something. i mean unless you carry a fucker inside you for 9 months, you have no right to say anything. and maybe you can't even if you did.

i'm gonna let you get out of my head because it's cloudy as always. BUT WITHOUT TREES. i wish french horns could grow flowers when u blew inside of them. things would be a lot easier. later dudes and dudettes.

Friday, February 20, 2015


i believe i'm a magnet of stupidity. i'll go one step further and say i attract stupid like positive attracts negative. well, all in all these are all conspiracies.

brain and love are different things but in our everlasting quest, i believe that religion has a better probability of existence than love. i believe that so much that i wish i was a bottle of cheap wine which is sold for 13,90 try and some idiot would mix me with coke just before those lonely minutes of puking inside a toilet that smells like diarrhea.

i sometimes think that my life is a movie, which i'll get to see when i die with all the people i've known all my life watching it beside me. i'm sure they will be like "what the fuck?" take now for example: who in their right mind sits in a darkened room all by himself on a friday night writing this shit of nonsense? did you guess the answer? well, if you did, i'm sorry but you aren't a genius.

i seldom wish that i could invite all the people who are close to me to a conference call and say: "fuck you." not even an exclamation mark, just a period. like a bloody, smelly period.

i want to rip my heart out and throw it inside a bucket of  ice-cold water, then put it back in. oh the relief! that's the real ice bucket challenge you fuckfaces. :*

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

the masochist and the retarded

i now truly believe that mankind is unable to change. incapable. but then i think of how much i changed over the years, how much i accomplished. so i realize there might be a difference.

i did what i did for myself and changed for myself, not for someone else. the motive was to be a better person. but if you try to change yourself for someone else, that's impossible. i've seen a lot of examples of it. many relationships that i was a part of and many others around me, the relationships that my friends had, my family...

at some point you might think that you accomplished the change but only to realize that you didn't after some time. you just put up with what they want and think you have changed but actually you can't change for someone else.

and you shouldn't. and you shouldn't want someone else to change for you. you shouldn't try that. that's not love. but what if you realize if the change doesn't happen, then love is just four letters? would that be hypocrisy? can a person truly search forever for someone that fits the missing spot exactly? is that even possible?

or should we just accept? accept. that's not one of my strong suits. in fact, it's probably where i'm the weakest. what brought me until this day, for the past 23 years, is my inability to accept. i'm always right. i am. i should be. even when i know that i'm god damn wrong. and this is wrong in itself which is just another paradox like the first paragraph of this post.

i can't even write anymore. i once had a blog called another brick and approximately 500 people read it everyday and it was just a bunch of emo shit like this. and this blog is becoming the same. don't get me wrong, i can be quite happy lately but whenever i write here, i write because i'm sad or angry. because i'm unable to accept.

as you guessed, i'm going to end this with my classic sentence: i know that nobody reads this blog anymore, so whatever. hello aliens! :)