the masochist and the retarded

i now truly believe that mankind is unable to change. incapable. but then i think of how much i changed over the years, how much i accomplished. so i realize there might be a difference.

i did what i did for myself and changed for myself, not for someone else. the motive was to be a better person. but if you try to change yourself for someone else, that's impossible. i've seen a lot of examples of it. many relationships that i was a part of and many others around me, the relationships that my friends had, my family...

at some point you might think that you accomplished the change but only to realize that you didn't after some time. you just put up with what they want and think you have changed but actually you can't change for someone else.

and you shouldn't. and you shouldn't want someone else to change for you. you shouldn't try that. that's not love. but what if you realize if the change doesn't happen, then love is just four letters? would that be hypocrisy? can a person truly search forever for someone that fits the missing spot exactly? is that even possible?

or should we just accept? accept. that's not one of my strong suits. in fact, it's probably where i'm the weakest. what brought me until this day, for the past 23 years, is my inability to accept. i'm always right. i am. i should be. even when i know that i'm god damn wrong. and this is wrong in itself which is just another paradox like the first paragraph of this post.

i can't even write anymore. i once had a blog called another brick and approximately 500 people read it everyday and it was just a bunch of emo shit like this. and this blog is becoming the same. don't get me wrong, i can be quite happy lately but whenever i write here, i write because i'm sad or angry. because i'm unable to accept.

as you guessed, i'm going to end this with my classic sentence: i know that nobody reads this blog anymore, so whatever. hello aliens! :)