Thursday, February 18, 2016

see you on the other side

i'm not gonna blame anyone or anything. i'm not gonna curse them. because no matter how much i wish for them to suffer, it's always the innocents who pay the price. it could be me, or someone i love who'll be forgotten in less than a week. maybe even 48 hours. now i'm just afraid and that's all i can say. i'm scared.

how many, who or how are totally irrelevant to me now. it doesn't matter. it won't change anything. all it does is to make me wonder; why am i living, why do i try so hard, towards what do i keep paddling if it's all going to end in an instant and because of reasons that are unknown to me. why do i have to fear a war, that i never wanted to be a part of? or forget about me, just ask the same questions for those people who happened to be passing through that street today.

until today, i tried not to think about these things. i tried to keep my mind off of them. but i can't anymore. i don't know how to explain this but even though i didn't read or learn much about what happened today, there is this feeling that haunts me inside my house. haunts me in whichever room i wander. it is as if all that death collapse on me and i'm sure that i'm not the only one feeling this.

they are dead. what else there is to say? they are dead like the ones who died some months ago or the ones who died some months before that or the ones who keep dying everyday in the east. they are just dying. like i could just die. like you could. will i forget about it tomorrow, or the next day? what happens if i still remember it after some time? what will change, who will change it?

it's just messed up, like every other stupid shit in this country.

i don't blame you, so please don't blame me.

see you on the other side.

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